


In Another Universe

by everystareverywhere



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 14:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1431391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everystareverywhere/pseuds/everystareverywhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no doubt about it. He knew. But it just wasn’t right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Another Universe

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short oneshot that got really long. Oops. Anyway, it’s based on this post (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/maybe-in-another-universe-i-deserve-you/) that I found and couldn’t stop thinking about and just really, really liked. And it reminded me so much of the Doctor and Rose that I just had to write this. Anything that is italicized are quotes from the blog. Just read it. It’s very good. The blog, not the story. Though you could read both too.
> 
> This is all unbetaed, so please don’t kill me.

He wasn’t sure when exactly it happened. Maybe it was when she said, “There’s me” and gave a sad smile, like she knew it wasn’t much, but it was all she could give him. Or maybe it was when he took her hand and she smiled at him and said “Me too.” Perhaps it was right around the time when he took her hand after the worst moment of her life, and they walked to the TARDIS in silence. He knew, however, that it was well before the discussion on dancing and  _dancing_. He knew–definitely, without a doubt–when Glen Miller’s  _In the Mood_  rang out from the speakers that he was trouble. There was no doubt about it. He knew.  
  
But it just wasn’t right.  
  
Even when he died for her and then was born again out of that love, it wasn’t right. He loved her, though. Oh, how much he loved this pink and yellow girl, and her smile, and her ability to see the good in everyone, even in a mangled creature like himself. He wanted to make her smile and hear her laugh so much it almost killed him when he saw her upset or agitated over something he had said or done.   
  
This love scared him in a way he was never scared before. He had loved companions before, there was no doubt about that. Each companion meant a great deal to him, and he loved each of them in their own right. But her…He just knew that he could never forget her. And he didn’t want to. She made him better. She made him proud and strong in a time when neither seemed possible. Most of all, she gave him love. She showed him how to love and how to forgive. And for that he would always be in her debt.   
  
But it just wasn’t right.   
  
***  
  
 _You just found me in the wrong universe.  
That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. _  
  
***  
  
And then she was gone. Her screams mixed with his, and his worst nightmare came true. He couldn’t protect her. He broke his promise to Jackie. There was no way he could reach her. No way that he could save her without putting both of them at risk. With wide eyes, a burning throat, and the knowledge that nothing would ever be the same, he watched her as she fell near the hole that would take her away forever. It was bittersweet, seeing her (almost) father save her last minute, and though he was somewhat happy that she was safe and protected, he hated it because it wasn’t him keeping her safe and protected.   
  
And even when he projected himself on a beach across a universe, saying good-bye–even though it was the last thing in the world he wanted to say–he knew that it wasn’t right. This love he had for her was wrong. And when she sobbed, “I love you” on that beach and his two hearts broke into four, he still knew it wasn’t right. This was wrong, somehow. But he did love her, and she should know. But his mouth got the best of him, and his stupid idiotic mouth and horrible, horrible time took away what should have been his last words to her. And she would never know.   
  
***  
  
 _…You could have loved me forever.  
And maybe in another universe, I let you._  
  
***  
  
The unthinkable happened. She came back. Against all odds, against everything that he knew, she came back. Her smile, while a bit more hesitant, was still there. Her ability to love was still there, though truthfully a bit guarded. But it was her, flesh and bone and very, very real. She stood straighter, knew herself better, and he wished with both his hearts that he could have seen her grow. See her become the woman who stands next to him proudly. Yet he knew that the reason why she is the way she is was because of the worst moment of his life. So, he doesn’t dwell on it. And he moves on to saving the universe.   
  
He admits that becoming a double was strange. It was at the precise moment that he pushed the button to kill all the Daleks that he realized what had to be done. Both of them knew.   
  
***  
  
 _In this universe, I don’t want a family,  
but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down._  
  
***  
  
Now standing on the beach, holding her hand, one heart pounding has him downright scared. He has never been this scared in his entire life. Facing Daleks and Cybermen were nothing to the idea of settling down. But, if he was honest with himself, if was the good kind of scared. Where you know it has to be done and you want to do it, even if it makes your palms sweat and your head race.   
  
She looked at him. He looked at her. She once promised him forever, and he briefly wondered if it still held. Because he promised her that they would do this together, and unlike his promise to Jackie, this was one that he was going to keep until the end.   
  
***  
  
 _Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want.  
Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid   
of commitment and of the future and of love._   
  
***  
  
It takes a bit of time. There are days she can’t even look at him, but there are also days she can’t keep her hands off of him. Slowly, the days of not looking at him twiddle and she’s able to hold his hand without twitching a bit. She’s able to look at him,  _really_  look at him, and see him as a man who has one heart and a snippy attitude, but still the same man he was before.   
  
It isn’t until six months in, when she screamed in the middle of the night, tossing and turning that she called out for him. And when he woke her up, told her that he’s there and isn’t leaving, that she finally acknowledges it. “It’s you,” she says, as though properly seeing him for the first time.   
  
“Yeah. It’s me.”   
  
She grabs him by the back of the neck and snogged him as though her life depended on it. Though that wasn’t the first night they made love, it was the first night that she didn’t feel guilty and he felt like he wasn’t trying to live up to a ghost.   
  
She finally realized what was there the whole time and he was still adjusting to this one life, but they were going good and he didn’t think he could be any happier.   
  
Then he was proven wrong.   
  
One year after Bad Wolf Bay and a couple of months after they were married, he stood next to her in a way he never though he would. He held her hand as she screamed and shouted words that he didn’t know existed. He was pretty sure that she was cursing him out in every language that she knew, which now consisted of English, French, a bit of Spanish, and Gallifreyian. Still, he wiped her forehead and told her loved her and was so proud of her. She told him to piss off.   
  
But both of them forgot the all of that when another screamed filled the room. It was loud, pitchy, and all theirs. The doctors weighed, measured, did their usual tests, as both of them waited impatiently. A little pink blanket surrounded the most precious girl in the world, who screamed until she was placed in her mother’s arms. Her father stood over them, so happy he felt like he burst right on the spot.   
  
He never thought he would have this life. This love was what he wanted the whole time. He wanted this love with her, but his other self couldn’t give it. Perhaps it was the wrong universe, or perhaps it was the wrong man, or perhaps it didn’t matter in the end. He found what he was looking for; he found the life he always wanted, with the woman he loved above all else, and now they were going to live their lives day-to-day, making stupid mistakes, making happier memories, and doing what they both wanted: to be together.   
  
They were finally in the right universe.   
  
***  
  
 _…[In another universe where]_  
we both don’t want anything or anybody else.   
Where we don’t want more,  
we just want each other.


End file.
